I tend to oscillate between two ways of being, both of which I find valuable.
The first comes from my Type A planning nature which insists that I know what I’m doing and when I’m doing it. The second side of my nature requires me to live in the moment, feel into my body, and honor where I am, even if that means not having a plan.
This most recently came up when planning a road trip of over 4000 miles. The day before I left I was asked a simple question, “what time are you leaving in the morning?” I did not have an answer.
I could have said I will leave at 5 AM, but then if I slept poorly or decided to leave earlier or later, I would feel like I hadn’t kept my word. Instead I decided to say I would leave when I felt as if I had enough sleep. This frustrates some people in my life and even myself because I like to be somebody who can keep my word makes plans and follows through.
However, I have learned how important it is to honor myself.
This came up many times when I was driving throughout my house scouting trip and moving out to my new home. I could have spent hours researching hotels that allowed dogs, had great reviews and were on the route I’d chosen.
But in the midst of the moment, I might find myself pushing too hard to make it to the hotel I’d chosen. I might reach the hotel and decide I could drive another hour.
On one day I’d missed lunch, gotten badly sunburned and the dogs were overheating. While I’d planned on driving another 200 miles, I had no qualms pulling into a hotel and calling it a day. The headache I had was eased by the air conditioning and I woke up refreshed the next morning.
Of course, if I have a client commitment or have made an appointment than I am more likely to push through discomfort and keep my plan.
As I’ve become aware of this push and pull, I’m learning to live with not having a plan or making adjustments on the fly. It looks like checking in with how I feel, especially when I’m experiencing pain, considering the risks and rewards of changing a plan and trusting myself.