Hamilton Challenge

While the reading challenge I think I’d most succeed in is the one on RuPaul’s drag race… I’ve started a new personal challenge that’s sure to keep me busy.

As you may know, I’m an organization freak. I love a good spreadsheet and “completing” collections. So when I say I have over 1,000 books I know I have 1,167 in 32 boxes.

The last thing I want to do is unload all those boxes onto shelves and then, at some point in the future, repack slightly dustier volumes when I move next.

So I got the idea to read my books. Groundbreaking, I know. But I mean ALL my books from the Art of War to 2020’s newest release. I’m starting with the easiest ones, paperback books to young readers that I collected as a kid and once loved.

I am finding that some are as charming as I recall, even though they’re nearly 100 years old, and some have NOT aged well at all and are barely 40 years old.

While I work on this challenge I have a few guidelines:

1 – I’m unpacking books as I read them, which should give me plenty of time to source and install my office bookshelves.

B – The only new books I can buy are ones that complete a series. This should be somewhat affordable since most of my series are older, though there is one volume left that is $70-150 in a great series that I can’t bring myself to purchase.

3 – I’m tracking all of the books I finish on Goodreads where I have all of my books on a “to be read” list. This was mostly so I can look up books at stores and find out if I already own them or not but now I’m going to crush that 2020 reading goal.

Ever since I announced my intention to move out of California I’ve had the same question, “where are you going?” Which is, to be fair, an honest question.

At first the answer was easy, “I don’t know.”

My choices were endless but I needed to know my budget and find the right house. Out of the hundreds I watched and bookmarked and researched, I found The One in June and closed in July.

It’s in the Midwest. 

That’s all really most people need to know.

But I’ve been hounded, endlessly, by the curious about where EXACTLY it is. 

And I’ve chosen not to disclose the location. 

I have some reasons which won’t be shared here but let’s talk about the main one: privacy. 

You cannot unsay something. Once it is known and in the somewhat public domain there’s no going back. As a somewhat public figure I have to consider privacy with everything I do. 

Do I share when I’m on vacation?

Do I advertise speaking at a conference?

Do I mention I’ll be road tripping for a month?

One of the stories that changed my mind on how much to say came from this account. While I’m not a personal fan of this author, knowing what he experienced makes me think about my own safety. 

Another big reason I won’t be sharing my location is y’all don’t need to know! I do have a PO Box in a town on the way to “town” — if you live in the country you know what I mean — which I would share privately if necessary. 

But most of y’all will never be sending me mail or visiting (if you were invited, let’s be clear I may have a bigger house but it is not a hotel). I know this because many of my friends live internationally and scattered around the country. 

For those people who might live closer and want to visit, well, I lived 90 min away from the town I grew up in for 14 years. In all that time, 2 people from my hometown visited and one has since passed away. 

We like to scoff and whine about celebrities and people on social media sharing their whole lives from what they eat, wear, read, how they decorate, travel, and on and on. I’m doing the opposite so if you’ve only ever followed me for recipes 😂 or decorating pictures or to know what I do day in and day out, you’re going to be disappointed. 

And if your feelings are a bit hurt, I understand but what you to know this is not about you.

This is a personal boundary that I am willing to defendant it’s simply not important to know my location at this time. Still annoyed? Then take a moment to ask yourself why I should compromise my privacy and boundaries for your curiosity. I’m very interested in knowing the answer.

Americans are embarrassed by Americans too.

Although the news will highlight our idiotic president, foolish lawmakers, COVID party college students and the many covidiots screaming about masks and conspiracy theories, reasonable folks are out here too. 

We’re washing our hands, wearing masks (around our noses too!), socially distancing and sanitizing the shit out of things we touch. 

Personally speaking, I have traveled more than I anticipated after moving in March and again in July so I am even more cautious. I hand wash and dry my mask thinking of a colleague whose little boy has cancer. I restock my hand sanitizer praying for my cousin who lost her grandad to COVID. I keep on that mask when it’s hot and sweaty and uncomfortable and think of my cousin working shifts at a Texas hospital on the COVID unit.

We know that the worst among us are the best news fodder, but they are not the only Americans.

As one of the 42% of Americans with a passport, I hate that we have been banned from visiting your beautiful counties. I mourn the fact that my friends and clients don’t feel safe to travel to America either. 

Even as I acknowledge that our government has failed, our leadership is weak, our healthcare system is broken, and our economy is faltering, I understand these choices have consequences on the world stage. 

Trump made the choice to ignore reality, lie about risks, scoff at science, hide information, play golf, and consign hundreds of thousands of us to death.

And they were choices. But we are out here engaging with the truth as well, trying our damndest to convince fellow Americans that COVID is not a hoax, masks do work and social distancing is the responsible thing to do.

However, change is difficult.

Voters continue to believe the bullshit that we cannot possibly have a living wage, healthcare, paid time off, free education or a government safety net that provides dignity and care. Oh no, not if it means taxing some billionaire named Jeff.

I promise that as you shake your heads and wonder what’s wrong with those damn Americans, we know. We fight against the ignorance and conspiracies all day long. 

While the president should have never made masks a political symbol, it turns out they are quite appropriate to indicate that one:

• Believes in science 
• Listens to experts
• Cares for the well-being of others 
• Is willing to sacrifice some comfort to protect lives 

Let’s just agree that America needs a course correct and while it feels like turning the, already hit by an iceberg, Titanic we are trying our best.

Two weeks ago I bought a new old house and the FIRST stop I made with keys and paperwork in hand was the insurance agents office. I’d gotten some quotes before moving in but they were too high (like more than 10% of the house cost high).

So today when I saw that a family who bought and began to restore their own 100+ yo home had it burned to the ground by a freak lightening strike, I was devastated for them.

Even a full rebuild of a home that age wouldn’t preserve all of the original charm.

However, they also discovered, after the fire turned their dream to cinders, that they don’t have insurance. So not just the purchase price but the work that went into the foundation, roof and renovations is lost.

It’s very sad.

And I’m sorry, but how the FUCK do you not ensure they insurance has been bought? I know the mortgage company was “supposed to take care of it” but it’s your life and money on the line!

I got a few more quotes before signing locally and those 2 days I was nervous as hell.

And this family, who I won’t name or link to, had raised nearly $10,000 from donors to renovate the home! If someone gave me ten grand you bet your ass I’d be increasing my coverage first.

Good insurance will protect your investment, mine covers 100% of the purchase price of my home, plus my personal property on top of that. It wouldn’t be enough to rebuild but at least I could start fresh.

I don’t want to pile on and I’m truly saddened for this family’s loss — thankfully no one was injured! — but this is adulting.

If you own, lease or borrow for a car, motorcycle, RV, house or business make sure your insurance is active and sufficient. Today. Because freak lightening strikes happen and I cannot cope with the sob story that begins with “we didn’t know…”

This was originally written yesterday but a full day of terrible internet prevented me from posting.

I’ve been thinking a lot about symbols, about symbolic victories and shallow signs of support. 

It all started with bandaids. 

First of all, I tend to injure myself with alarming frequency. I still have a bruise on my shoulder from running into my truck’s side mirror. I go through bandaids quickly and even use them while I sew to avoid cutting my fingers with the thread. 

Months ago I read a comment from a man who was staring at a bandaid on his finger. It was the first time in his whole life the color of the bandaid matched his skin tone. 

So when I saw that Walmart had these in stock I picked up a box along with my usual choice.

Later I wondered if I was being stupid, if it was just a symbolic purchase?

It’s symbolic, sure, but it’s also strategic. Even “woke” companies won’t manufacture and stock items that don’t sell and considering there were several on the shelf, I felt comfortable buying a box. 

The choice was also considerate. If someone around me needs a bandaid, I have options to offer. I will likely wear them myself and, if anyone comments on the color, it opens up a conversation. 

My whole life I’ve never thought about bandaids matching my skin color. I even go out of my way sometimes to get the bright ones, the Star Wars ones with C3PO…

Anyway, symbols have power which is why people were outraged with these Trump facemasks. Spot the problem:

that’s a terrible symbol of Nazi hatred toward Jews, Gypsies, gays, those with physical or mental disabilities… it’s a clear symbol of hate. Which is maybe why Trump supporters making the masks chose it.

Sometimes we think a symbolic gesture is fine, as long as it’s positive.

But symbolic gestures shouldn’t detract from real change. 

Painting Black Lives Matter in the street shouldn’t be the end of the story. It should herald in fair access to voting, equality in job pay and opportunities and an overhaul of the policing system. 

It’s easy for symbols to be empty promises but equally so to miscommunicate our values. 

Context also matters, a linen sheet on the clothes line says country, fresh cotton, environmentalist. A linen sheet worn over the head, sewn into a peak, says racist, hateful, dangerous, idiot.

Choosing symbols is a personal choice but one that has public ramifications.

When it comes down to it I ask myself: Is this a symbol of love, inclusion, justice and devoid of bigotry? Or is this a symbol of exclusion, hatred, injustice past or present and opposed by those in vulnerable groups?

How I answer that question informs my choices on symbols — from bandaids to statues to face masks.

DEvery week on Facebook I see some far flung friend deriding the idea to defund the police. 

Who will solve crimes? They cry. 

Blue lives matter! They chant. 

I will not live in a lawless country! They claim. 

Who will solve crimes? Podcasters, journalists and Dateline.

The lives of cops do matter but being a cop is a choice and you can take that uniform off at any time. Compare that to the skin you’re born into that cannot be taken off to remove you from danger.

And yeah, you actually do live in a lawless country when our police officers are not held to account for murder it citizens.

But I want to address your commitment to ignorance and misunderstanding the phrase “defund the police.”  I know you haven’t been in school since 8 tracks were new but critical reading is a skill that should improve with wrinkles, not degrade like your hearing. 

Let me tell you a quick story about a little boy I knew in AWANA when I was young. He was adorable and I’ll always remember his Halloween costume of a little tramp, complete with chocolate dirt on his cheeks. Our families attended different churches over the years but we went to high school together just a few grades apart but didn’t keep in touch after graduation. As an adult he experienced some mental health challenges which culminated in hiding out in a garden shed. Possibly due to the influence of drugs or lack or medication, he lunged at the police with a pair of garden shears when they came to investigate. He injured a police dog in the process and was shot dead by police. His family feels that loss every day and I think of the little boy and wonder “what if?”

Defund the police doesn’t mean that man I knew would be left alone in a shed, suffering and struggling. Defund the police means bringing in mental health professionals who are trained and capable of handing such challenges. 

Defund the police means not every problem has a solution that requires bullets. De-escalation is a valuable skill in conflict resolution. 

Defund the police doesn’t mean we don’t have police. It means we should stop funding them as if they were military forces, armed to the hilt with guns and tanks and redistribute that money to other social projects and services that reduce crime at the source and resolve problems with other professionals. 

Police officers shouldn’t be relationship counselors and dog catchers and chasing truant kids and doing welfare checks. 

Defund the police is shorthand for divest funds from police departments and reallocating them to non-policingforms of public safety and community support, such as social services, youth services, housing, education, healthcare and other community resources. 

“But why don’t you SAY that?”

Because, returning to my original point, if you can’t be bothered to google a slogan and understand what people are asking, I know you won’t listen to the explanation without wondering when Jeopardy comes on halfway through a 60-second explanation.

“But we need the police”

Really? Your insistence on ignoring the issue that tells me that you live in an America where the police come to your aid. They’ll answer the call when your car gets vandalized or your neighbors are playing loud music all night. You trust that when a cop pulls you over it might mean a speeding ticket and a bad day, but nothing worse. 

When you have only ever experienced “good cops” you don’t understand why people fear the bad ones. 

And, to be fair, I’m in that white bubble too. I’ve talked my way out of 3/4 traffic stops in 20 years of driving and have never had a bad encounter. 

However, I also have empathy. I listen to those who have been targeted by police, harassed and abused. I’ve watched the videos of cops killing unarmed black children, men and women which occur far too frequently. I see the unions and officers talk about being “warriors” in our communities instead of protecting and serving the people. 

Something has to change. 

Police across this nation have been given billions of dollars which does nothing to stem the tide of crime and allows abuses to continue. 

Something has to change. 

We need a change in recruitment and training, de-escalation tactics, a plethora of support available in communities, accountability for cops who break the law, justice for those killed by officers, and yes, scaled back budgets that focus on the needs of the public, not Deputy Dave’s desire to cosplay Call of Duty at work. 

I do not support giving ever more money to agencies who are not held accountable and fail to protect us. 

So the next time you whine about defunding the police don’t be surprised if I drop a link to this essay on your post.